Sunday, 16 January 2011


Today i have woken up in a cant be arsed mood, i just want to sit all day in my pjs, ive been over and over in my head the past few weeks, and even though people say there was nothing i could have done, or even changed through my pregnancy i still keep going back to why? why us? why me?
nobody can answer any of the questions i really want to know, why take a beautiful little boy away from a loving family who were devoted to him, from the moment i found out i was pregnant, i cant even describe how happy i was it was such a amazing feeling i was going to be a mummy my partner and i finaly a family! eeek. Them boom gone, my future gone! Id planned so much in my head that i wanted myself, my partner and my adoreable little boy to do, christmas 2010 was shit! Id just lost my mother to sudden death in november and now had to face the first christmas without her, i remember just this christmas to get through next year will be the best Il have a ten month old little boy to buy for and make christmas worth while next year! why take my hopes and dreams away from me? not just me my partner aswell?
I cant make sense of any of this my heads battered and i feel so angry today, i feel angry that 'god' could be so cruel..
I truly dont believe there is a 'god' anymore surely even he cant be this fucking cruel?.. Theres people out there i could scream at everyday of the week jeremy kyle is on tv with a bunch of tramps who dont even deserve to call themselfs mothers and fathers! i hate life right now.. i cant even see myself ever feeling happy again, i know its still early days but how can anybody truly be happy after having there future taken from them :( my bodys is aching for Harry right now my arms are empty..

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