Today is two weeks since i gave birth to my sleeping Angel, i dont even know how to put into words how i feel, i have so much running through my head.
All i can say is i never thought this would happen to me, my heart feels like its aching constantly, i had the vicar around today to arrange my little boys funeral, i never thought this day would come, i never thought id lose my little boy never!
I keep thinking about my first scan, i didnt know how far gone i was as when we were having the scan a 'huge' baby came up on screen i was 16weeks & five days, how could i have not known? I was so overwhelmed that tears roled down my face, my mum was there she too was crying my partner just smiled and couldnt stop smiling from then till we got home, i was so happy and excitement started to take over i could finaly tell people i was pregnant!!
My mother recently passed away in november 2010 to sudden death syndrome (which is sudden death in adults) ive lost my best friend, and the only person i told everything too, i feel so lonely yet i have so many people around me? I still cant believe i have no mum, the only thing getting me through losing my mum was knowing i was going to be a mummy myself, she chose Harrys name she knew he was a boy from my 20week scan she too was so excited for me, im really hurting right now i just dont know how to cope anymore i dont know how ive got to today? I never thought id feel this unhappy 8weeks ago i had a mum and baby on the way now i have none?
I must not deserve to be happy.
My first scan 16weeks +5