I wrote a post early hours this morning but its showing up in 'january' oh well..
A month to the date today since my little boy was born sleeping, this is hard.
I'm really starting to feel the grieving process like its just being pushed in my face, ive cried every day but i just feel like its all coming to me at once, again people always saying i'm being strong and they couldnt have dealt with it as well as i have? how can someone see behind a computor screen because behind closed doors is a different storey, i really wish i wasnt here right now, i want to be with my mother and my little boy, Everyone says they are there for me but i want my mum to talk to, my partner wont talk, he acts like it hasnt happend he wouldnt stop crying in hospital but at home he doesnt talk and says he cant, but i need him to i need to feel im not alone here, i cry constantly and its like im crying to a brick wall, so many tears i just want to share with my partner i just wish he would cuddle me, but theres nothing..
I mean our baby has died and i just feel like he isnt there to support me (i know he is and if i pushed him into talking he probs would) I wouldnt have got this far without him, i wouldnt be here now (thats not a attention seeking line) thats how i feel!! Im looking at Harrys photo on the wall he's beautiful just looks asleep, i wish thing were different.
Ive been out a few times but i always want to be in the comfort of my own house i feel like i'm in a world of my own here you see, when i'm out i feel eyes on me, even from people i dont know, im still being ignored by a few people, any one would think i have the flu and they can catch it but its not the flu its called grieving and you cant catch that ffs.